Todd is on another business trip this week.  I took him to the airport bright and early Sunday morning (8am) to board a plane for Madison, Wisconsin.   What’s in Madison you ask?  A PR conference for the farming industry and… fungal ants.   When he got off the plane he was disappointed to find that he had no suitcase!  They had lost his bag.

His bag did finally show up on Monday morning though.  And why did it get lost?  TSA found the brand new Niagara spray starch he packed to be suspicious looking.  So they stole it and then proceeded to not put his bag on the plane once they took it (even though according to the time stamp they had time to do just that).   Spray starch, really?  I mean I can see if  it was in his carry on, but it was packed away.  Are there new regulations on things that go in your checked bag now that I wasn’t aware of?  Did they take one look at the can and say to themselves, “Nothing says terrorist like stiff white dress shirts!”

Lets take a moment to examine the can for clues that might help us out.

Clues that might lead one to think Terrorist:

1. Right off the bat I see the word Niagara.  Which as you know is in Canada.  And all terrorists come from Canada!

2. The shape of the bottle might suggest to the mind gas canister.  Like your grandma’s oxygen, or those helium tanks clowns use for balloon animals!  Scary.

3. The word “Fuerte” appears on the label in bold lettering.  This is obviously not an English word!

4.  The rainbow slash across the label is so obviously un-American.  Its an automatic red flag!

5. And finally just the very essence of starch is suspecious!  Just read the constitution!

And so my fellow Americans.  Its so obvious that TSA was right here.  Spray Starch is indeed a threat to national security.  Even more so than than my Biore face wash they stole last year.  I solute you!